Why do I watch Elimidate?!?!!?
Nov. 12th, 2003 01:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sailorhathorI certainly don't know. Maybe you will.
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alvafan is the Official Goddess of the Week. She's very nice. She knows why. ^_^
And now, likesongbird79, I have found I cannot go on. My father ate all the cheese, so I have none to grate onto my chili. I will let the Suicide Note Generator say it all for me.
Dear Fellow Pawns;
For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.
Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.
Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of Laurel. Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.
Sincerely,
Laurel
P.S. Don't do an autopsy this is definitely suicide.
Hmmm... nah, it's not me. This one will be better.
(I edited this one slightly because... well just because.)
Whomever Found My Body;
Dad, if that's you reading this: I was actually murdered, my corpse was desecrated by those "damn dirty yankees" you always warned us about as kids and they made me write this to cover up their horrible, heinous crime, and you should stop reading now.
If your reading this and your not my father, then most likely I am hanging by a noose from the rafters with a smile on my face, a zucchini up my ass and a wad of jiz all over the place.
Damn it, I wish I wouldn't have kicked the chair so far or tied the noose so tight, maybe I should have just sprung for a whore. Laurel you cheap dead bastard.
Oh well, at least I died doing something I loved--asphyxiating myself while watching Blue's Clues.
Sincerely,
laurel
P.S. Please don't look in the closet.
My favorite part was when I called myself a "cheap dead bastard." XD
Why do women cat fight over men on "Elimidate"? The men are hardly ever even attractive. They're all so plain and look the same. And why do the men always, always, ALWAYS keep the women who cat fight over them? How pathetic and insecure do you have to be that women degrading themselves over you makes you feel good about yourself? Hey, here's some news, buddy--she wants to win the competition 'cause she's on national tv, not because you're some prize. :P Hoes.
alvafan is the Official Goddess of the Week. She's very nice. She knows why. ^_^And now, like
songbird79, I have found I cannot go on. My father ate all the cheese, so I have none to grate onto my chili. I will let the Suicide Note Generator say it all for me.Dear Fellow Pawns;
For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.
Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.
Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of Laurel. Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.
Sincerely,
Laurel
P.S. Don't do an autopsy this is definitely suicide.
Hmmm... nah, it's not me. This one will be better.
(I edited this one slightly because... well just because.)
Whomever Found My Body;
Dad, if that's you reading this: I was actually murdered, my corpse was desecrated by those "damn dirty yankees" you always warned us about as kids and they made me write this to cover up their horrible, heinous crime, and you should stop reading now.
If your reading this and your not my father, then most likely I am hanging by a noose from the rafters with a smile on my face, a zucchini up my ass and a wad of jiz all over the place.
Damn it, I wish I wouldn't have kicked the chair so far or tied the noose so tight, maybe I should have just sprung for a whore. Laurel you cheap dead bastard.
Oh well, at least I died doing something I loved--asphyxiating myself while watching Blue's Clues.
Sincerely,
laurel
P.S. Please don't look in the closet.
My favorite part was when I called myself a "cheap dead bastard." XD
Why do women cat fight over men on "Elimidate"? The men are hardly ever even attractive. They're all so plain and look the same. And why do the men always, always, ALWAYS keep the women who cat fight over them? How pathetic and insecure do you have to be that women degrading themselves over you makes you feel good about yourself? Hey, here's some news, buddy--she wants to win the competition 'cause she's on national tv, not because you're some prize. :P Hoes.
